I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
