OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize