I'm lost and stupid without you.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize