Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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