your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
