I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PS: I just woke up from my shower
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
