You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
