just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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