he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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