I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
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