I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
