Just took my morning after pill in the library
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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