I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
