in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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