oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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