My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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