She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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