I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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