You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
