Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
