There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
