can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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