I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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