i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
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