Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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