Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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