you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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