Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
