i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
