I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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