She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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