And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
