Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
