I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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