You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
