READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
