looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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