Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
