i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
