Its about making memories worth repressing
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
