All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
there is glitter all over my balls
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
