Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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