If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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