just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
