I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
