No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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