I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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