peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
not ubering you a puppy
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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