why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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