pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
