what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
