It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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