I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
