Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
