benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
