You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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