he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
