I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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