He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
