my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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