I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Is it because I queefed?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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