Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
