its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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