And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
