Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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