ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
its liver damage thursday
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
