I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Your cock deserves a montage
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize