I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
