It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
